


Friend Requests (1)

by ReasonablyUnreasonable



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, abuse of angelic powers to take perfect selfies, blatant lies about facebook mobile in 2009 sorry, disgustingly mushy ending like what am I even doing, hating humanity is so 2008 seriously luci, hunting memes through time, lucifer has a samsung somnia and a purple case, or maybe luci is just a good photographer, poor sammy didn't have this in mind when he made a facebook account, the cute just snuck up on me idk, tiny teeny bit of angst, two idiots on facebook, we will never know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 11:31:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4623747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReasonablyUnreasonable/pseuds/ReasonablyUnreasonable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam didn't expect his spur of the moment decision to create a facebook account to be the catalyst for the not-end of the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Friend Requests (1)

Sam was a curious person, and that had some history of not working out too well for him.

Now, social media had always seemed to him like a fairly unintimidating thing, and Sam didn't expect his spur of the moment decision to create a facebook account to be the catalyst for the not-end of the world. All he expected to come from it was maybe an impressive amount of teasing from Dean if his brother ever found out, which really wasn't the plan.

He certainly didn't expect his first friend request, when his account was only half an hour old and still learning how to properly account, to be from the Devil. He supposed accidentally freeing somebody from the depths of Hell and then freaking out a little when they visited you in your sleep made them acquaintances at least, and met facebook's criteria for sending a friend request, but-

Satan had a facebook account. Sam was having some trouble focusing on anything other than that.

The little arrow hovered over the _not now_  button, and he squinted at his screen hard, but didn't click it. For some godforsaken reason, he didn't click it. Sam ran a hand through his hair, sighing, and firmly told himself he wasn't going to be facebook friends with  _Lucifer._ Even his life couldn't be that weird. He couldn't actually be considering this.

 _Not now_ remained stubbornly unclicked.

Maybe he was still a bit of a blind optimistic, but he just couldn't see the grand evil scheme behind this. He couldn't see  _any_  sort of reasoning behind this, evil or not. And there really weren't all too many ways of finding out what it was about. Sam's options were limited here, it had nothing to do with that curiosity that never did him any good.

Besides, curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Sam clicked  _confirm,_ and the world didn't spontaneously combust. That was probably as good as he could have hoped for.

His eyes scanned the empty room guiltily, because fuck curiosity, Dean would murder him if he caught wind of this. And then bring him back, only that would come with a great cost. And so on. That particular circle was over the moment Castiel dragged his brother out of Hell, and everyone would prefer for it to stay that way.

A cheerful little sound came from his laptop, announcing one new message.

* * *

 **Lucifer 6: 50 pm**  
_I don't suppose this means you're ready to say yes to me? Do it for the vine, Sam._

Sam side-eyed his brother, making sure Dean's attention was on the road and the song currently playing on the radio. Then he glared at his phone, as if he could burn a hole through it with his eyes, or better yet, will the message to be something, anything else if he tried hard enough. Because what it was made absolutely zero sense. It remained the same, just to spite him.

He told himself there was no reason to even write a reply.

 **Sam 6: 53 pm** _  
_ _Go bother someone else_

 **Lucifer 6:**   **53 pm  
**_I take that this is a no?_

And wasn't there some sort of unspoken facebook rule that you're not allowed to reply to people this quickly? Sam typed out a reply just as fast, because facebook's ettiquete was really the least of his problems, and any delay might seem as hesitation. Just trying to keep things clear.

 **Sam 6: 54 pm**  
_Of course it's a no  
_ _What the hell is vine? How do YOU know about it?_

 **Lucifer 6: 54 pm  
** _Why would I not? Some of us spend our time in a productive way._

Sam was pretty sure that "Because you're Satan" while absolutely true, didn't make all that good an argument. He was also sure that killing monsters was more productive than learning about whatever vine was, but he wasn't going to point that out. He wasn't going to point anything out.

 **Sam 6: 56 pm  
** _Fuck off_

Just for emphasis. The conversation was over on  _his_  part at least, and Sam slid the phone back into the pocket of his jeans with a sense of purpose. Ten seconds passed. Twenty. The phone buzzed. He ignored it. Thirty seconds. Buzz.

"Dude, that an app or something?" Dean asked, a curious more than suspicious glance thrown his way.

"Yeah, it's. Uh," Sam managed, because the honest explanation that messenger was letting him know the Devil had written to him again wouldn't sound all that amazing to his brother. "You know. One of those things."

Nice save, Winchester. Real smooth.

"Right..." Dean dragged out the word, brows furrowing. Probably debating in his head whether to make fun of Sam's remarkable lack of eloquence or feel concerned about it. "How 'bout you take a nap, Sammy? You've been a little out of it all day."

Anyone would have been out of it, Sam reasoned, if they'd spent the day expecting hellfire to rain down on them and have their facebook account somehow held responsible for that.

"Yeah," he muttered, thought process too jumbled to be completely sure what he was agreeing to. A nap sounded good. The buzzing of messenger couldn't get you if you were asleep.

Sam's eyes fluttered shut, and he was vaguely aware of Dean reaching to change the station.

* * *

It was far too early for any reasonable human being to be awake and if Sam didn't have the patience of a saint, he would have thrown his phone at the goddamn motel wall.

He rolled over with a groan and patted the stand next to him until he found it, because a few days of trying to ignore his very insistent Facebook friend had taught him that there was no hope of shutting the other up unless Sam talked to him.

Of course, he could opt to turn off his phone. But that was impossible. Because reasons. And maybe because it was a little amusing to see a fallen angel, wrath of heaven and hell and all, struggle to get the ropes of facebook. Yesterday Lucifer had poked him about ninety times in ten minutes, hoping to understand the point of the feature. Sam had threatened to block him, and that was that.

He blinked hard, his eyes protesting at the sudden light and taking a few moment to adjust. Feeling eerily like a child up way past their bed time, Sam dived under the blankets and brought the phone along for the ride.

 **Lucifer 5: 12 am  
** _What do you think I should choose as my profile picture? Obviously it can't be a picture of myself, but I suppose one of Nick would do._

Sam didn't get paid nearly enough to put up with this. Actually, he didn't get paid at all, which was kind of sad, and the smile that tugged on his lips was to be blamed on his sleep deprived mind. There was nothing even remotely amusing about being up at such hours.

 **Sam 5: 20 am  
** _just put a goat or something, gets the point across_

And really that was going to be it, he was going to shut his phone and return to the blessed comfort of sleep, only there was a new message already and with it right in front of his eyes, Sam couldn't  _not_  read it.

 **Lucifer 5: 21 am**  
_My vessel may not be as perfect as you will be, but he's prettier than a goat, I think._

 **Sam 5: 23 am**  
_That's disturbing  
_ _Also you're not pretty_

 **Lucifer 5: 24 am  
** _I'm an angel, Sam._

 **Sam 5: 25 am  
** _Yeah, I don't think you get to use that particular joke anymore._

Apparently any and all mentions of the Fall, however vague, were enough to temporarily shut Lucifer up. Sam noted that for future reference, and decisively didn't feel guilty as he drifted back to sleep.

* * *

There was a case in a small town that had managed to sprout smack in the middle of nowhere. There also was a frankly alarming amount of borderline vengeful spirits whose idea of fun was to possess people's pets, wtih a preference for cats.

There was not, however, Internet connection, and Sam spent the bigger part of the four days they stayed there willfully staring at his laptop and phone. Because, as he explained to Dean, research was that much easier to do online.

No one had to point out that there was absolutely no research to be done when they got back, and yet Sam furiously tapped away at his laptop for the next two hours despite being a little or a lot exhausted.

If he got into an extremely stressful debate about the amount of sugar required to make a cup of coffee perfect with the Devil, no one had to point that out either, and Sam would be the last to.

* * *

 **Lucifer 8: 39 pm  
** _On May 27, 2015, Shia LaBeouf will deliver the most intense motivational speech of all time and advise everyone watching to "just do it." This is good advise, Sammy._

 **Sam 8: 40 pm**  
_What were you doing in 2015  
_ _Why do you even have a laptop_

 **Lucifer 8: 40 pm**  
_I don't, I have a phone_  
_It's a samsung omnia verizon wireless  
_ _I bought a purple case for it_

 **Sam 8: 41 pm**  
_Fuck you  
_ _You don't get to hate humans and then enjoy the nice phones and cases they make_

 **Lucifer 8: 41 pm  
** _...Even your race had to get something right, I suppose._

 **Sam 8: 42 pm**  
_We've gotten plenty right_  
_You'd know if you bothered looking  
_ _I guess it's just more convenient to see where we've fucked up_

 **Lucifer 8: 45 pm  
** _I've been looking at this world for longer than you can understand. And I've seen humanity systematically destroy everything good that was offered to you. I'm just not sure phone cases make up for that, do you Sam?_

 **Sam 8: 53 pm  
** _And I suppose all the people trying to do good don't count for anything, do they? I've met people who can't remember the last time they smiled and still do everything they can to keep others happy. Keep them safe. I think that makes up for it, don't you?_

* * *

Sam was drunk.

Drunk enough to do the stupid thing without batting an eye, but unfortunately not so much that he didn't recognize it was stupid, or wouldn't remember it tomorrow. But his head was spinning a little and he found he didn't care what his hungover self of tomorrow would think. So the worst kind of drunk, really.

And this was reason number 1 he didn't go to bars with Dean. Reason number 2 was currently buying his brother a drink. Or he was buying her one. Sam hadn't paid that much attention. He walked outside and made an attempt of scanning the street for a place to sit, but his body decided on its own that the ground would do just fine, and Sam slumped down with his back against the wall of the bar.

He got his phone out, paused for a moment to remember what he wanted it for. Facebook. Right. Maybe he was becoming addicted. But it seemed like an okay addiction, relatively. More like Dean's obsession with rock and cars and less like Sam's own previous addiction to demon blood. So things were good. What was his password again?

Sam frowned at his home page. No new messages. He always had new messages when he logged in, every day without fail for how many weeks this had been going on. Didn't Lucifer realise that they had a very strict rule of him always messaging first, and now he was forcing Sam to break it? Stupid Devil. Always making things more complicated than they had to be.

 **Sam 00: 23 am**  
_Yknow you couldhave the decency to be an asshole its the least you coulddo  
_

**Lucifer 00: 23 am**  
_Well, I'm sorry to disappoint._

 **Sam 00: 24 am**  
_No seriously dude youre Satan you just  
It's principle_

 **Lucifer 00: 25 am  
** _Would it make things easier for you if I were an asshole?_

Sam laughed, loud and abrupt. How nice. How thoughtful. This whole situation was hilarious. Someone had to make it into a comedy, except there was kind of a lot of death so it wouldn't be a very good one. He could see the ending already, how the stupid main character Sam said yes to the thoughtful Devil and everyone died.

Sam loathed that ending. It wasn't gonna happen. Ever.

 **Sam 00: 28 am**  
_Well yeah  
_ _I mean you're trying to destroy humanity you don't get to be likeable_

 **Lucifer 00:**   **29 am**  
_Not everyone has to die, Sam. I wouldn't hurt the people you care about._

 **Sam 00:**   **30 am**  
_Sucks for you, I care about them all_

 **Lucifer 00:**   **33 am**  
_Yes, I see how that complicates things._

* * *

Taking selfies was significantly harder than Sam had imagined when he first allowed himself to consider the possibility.

He just couldn't understand how people found a camera angle that wasn't pure torture for the hand holding the phone and made it possible to press the button and take the pic without losing their grip. Holding the phone with both hands was just- no. It didn't look right. And what about lighting? There was something to be said about bad lighting, and it seemed to follow Sam everywhere he went.

It took approximately fifteen attempts to snap a picture that he didn't feel the need to delete after two moments of staring at it, and that was probably as good as it was going to get. He examined it a little longer, making sure the dull motel wall behind him didn't give any hints as to his location. Having the guy out to end the world as your facebook friend came with certain restrictions, he supposed.

Now, facebook wanted him to "say something about this photo." Did he have to? Sam thought it was pretty self-explanatory, just his face, nothing to say about that. It was a face. Doing its thing. Being a face. And besides, Lucifer hadn't said anything either in  _his,_ so-

Wait, no. Sam wasn't posting a picture because Lucifer had done it too, he was posting the picture so actual people he knew and might also have a facebook account would be able to recognize him. And he was most certainly not learning how to facebook from the Devil. The other wasn't even good at it.

But he  _was_ good at taking selfies, apparently, which was frustrating and obviously the result of abusing his angelic powers of something, because good selfies weren't humanly possible, Sam was convinced of it. And yeah. His vessel, Nick, looked kinda good. Handsome, whatever. But that wasn't-

 _Devilishly handsome,_ Sam's mind supplied unhelpfully.  _Hot as hell._

-the issue. It wasn't. The guy on the picture wasn't actually Lucifer either way, and if his eyes were a shade of blue that seemed altogether otherwordly, that just had to be a trick of the light.

Sam glared at the picture one last time for good measure and posted it. He very pointedly placed his phone on the table. Then picked it up again, though he wasn't sure what he was expecting to have happened in five seconds. It was fine.  _Fine._ Just a picture. Just a picture that his notifications were now letting him know had one like. By his supernatural stalker facebook friend, obviously.

Five seconds was really,  _really_ fast. Creepily fast. And only added to Sam's suspicions that the Devil spent his hours refreshing his home page on facebook. Which was not the worst thing he could be doing, but it was definitely the weirdest.

Sam liked Lucifer's selfie back. Because he was an adult, and he could make decisions. It was just called being polite.

* * *

 **Lucifer 2: 31 pm  
** _Sam, I thought this might interest you._

**Sam 2: 34 p**

**.** _..Did you seriously just rickroll me._

 **Lucifer 2: 34 pm**  
_Honestly, I didn't think you knew what rickrolling was.  
But yes, I did._

 **Sam 2: 34 pm**  
_You're ridiculous_  
_Also I'm the human here_  
_There's no way you're allowed to know more about memes than me_

 **Lucifer 2: 35**   **pm  
**_Sam, I have been sending you memes that don't exist in this year for weeks and you never noticed._

 **Sam 2: 37 pm**  
_Somehow I'm not really surprised  
Don't you have something else to do than timetravel to find memes? Like destroy the world?_

 **Lucifer 2: 38 pm** _  
Would you go hiking in jeans and sandals?_

 **Sam 2: 38**   **pm**  
_Could you maybe not compare me and Nick to clothing, it's creepy_

 **Lucifer 2:**   **39 pm**  
_It's not the most accurate analogy, but I suspect any further explanation on the importance of a vessel would be considered 'creepy' as well.  
But no, you're not just good hiking shoes, Sam._

 **Sam 2: 40 pm** _  
_ _Yeah, let's not do that either_

 **Lucifer 2: 44 pm  
** _Aren't you cheerful today._

 **Sam 2: 45 pm  
** _It's your fault, you rickrolled me_

 **Lucifer 2: 46 pm  
** _I thought you might like the song. It's not terrible by human standards, and all things considered..._

 **Sam 2: 49 pm  
** _if you say it's fitting I'm going to unfriend you_

 **Lucifer 2: 50 pm  
** _Well, even if you do I'm never going to give you up._

 **Sam 2: 50 pm  
** _NO_

 **Lucifer 2: 51 pm  
** _Never going to let you down._

 **Sam 2: 51 pm _  
_** _Can you not._

 **Lucifer 2: 52 pm _  
_** _This isn't entirely a joke, you know. I meant what I said. When we met. I'd give you anything. Everything._

 **Sam 2: 54 pm**  
_I don't want you to_  
_Just don't take what's already here  
_ _Don't take away the people and their purple phone cases and stupid ass memes and songs that are still relevant twenty years later_

* * *

Dean cast a glance at Sam as he entered the room and cleared his throat. That was never a good thing.

"Can we talk?"

"Sure." Sam resisted the urge to look at his charging phone from the corner of his eye. That would be incriminating. If he had anything to hide. Which he didn't. "What about?"

Dean pulled out a chair next to him and sat silent for a moment, thoughtful, as if testing the words in his mind. "You got a ladyfriend?"

"I- what?"

"I mean, don't get me wrong, it's awesome if you do. Just can't help thinking about the last one. She's  _not_  a Ruby 2.0, right Sammy?"

"Dean, it's not, I'm not, no.  _No_ ," Sam insisted firmly, an edge of panic to his voice because now the idea had gotten into his head and wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. He'd tried so hard not to think of it like that. "I'm not seeing anyone. Definitely not another Ruby. I swear."

"Then what the hell are you doing on your laptop and phone all day, man?" Dean asked, and to his credit, he just sounded bemused. Like he believed Sam even through his epic stammer of denial. "It's not research, you look way too happy for it to be research, and it's not porn, because you're you, so what?"

He didn't look too happy. That was a lie. A big, terrible lie and Sam had no idea why Dean would say such things. Facebook chatting with Satan didn't make him happy. He couldn't possibly be  _that_ screwed up.

"Memes," he settled, because it was true, or close enough to it at least. "I'm looking at memes."

"...Seriously, man?"

"Hey, they're funny. I like them. If it works it works, right?"

Why Sam kind of liked talking to Lucifer at ass o'clock in the morning was anyone's guess, but he wasn't hurting anyone so it was okay, right?

Dean cracked a smile. "I suppose."

And that was that. Sam got to keep his pen pal the Devil a secret because his brother still trusted his word even after he'd accidentally freed said Devil from his cage in hell.

Yeah, Sam was sort of happy.

* * *

 **Sam 10: 12 am  
** _If there are still memes in the future, does that mean the world doesn't end?_

 **Lucifer 10: 15 pm  
** _There are many possible futures. In the one I find memes, no, it doesn't end._

 **Sam 10: 17 am  
** _So it's a possibility._

 **Lucifer 10 : 21 am  
** _It's a possibility._

* * *

It was funny how getting thrown at walls for years made all the pain it resulted in feel like a good, familiar ache.

It was funny how Sam and Dean could stumble into a diner, grinning and elbowing each other in the ribs when they'd been digging a grave and lighting a corpse on fire half an hour earlier. It was funny how the waitress placed two beers, along with a burger and a salad on their table, for Dean and Sam respectively. Some things never changed. Some things didn't have to.

It was all so funny suddenly, and not in the ironic, horrible way it usually was. Sam couldn't keep that damn grin off his face.

He snatched a picture of their lunch, rolled his eyes when Dean accused him of being some "creepy internet addict", uploaded the picture on facebook, explained that he was "out with his asshole, junk food loving brother" and added the name of the diner as his location. Then he posted it.

Not a minute later the buzzing of his phone informed him that the picture had received a like from Lucifer, and Sam's only reaction was to grin even more.

He was halfway through his salad and nearly choked on it when he realised what exactly he had done. There were enochian sigils carved into his ribs, and why? So Lucifer couldn't find him. But Sam had gone ahead and told the Devil exactly where he was.

He squeezed his fingers tightly around the edge of the table, heart hammering in his chest. It was too late to delete the picture and panicking was out of the question though he was totally panicking either way, he needed to do something fast- In fact...With how long it had taken him to notice his slip up, something should have happened already.

But nothing had happened, and nothing was happening with every second that passed and Sam hesitated. If Lucifer wanted to, he could have been there, or sent demons to kidnap him and terrorise customers and staff, in a matter of seconds. Nothing. Sam wasn't being tortured into saying yes, people weren't dropping dead right and left.

Maybe, just maybe, the slip up didn't matter.

It didn't make staying there longer any less of a risk, and Sam knew, logically, that they should leave right this instant. Still, when he walked out with Dean half an hour later, feeling far too confused and maybe a little hopeful, he was glad he'd taken that risk.

* * *

 **Sam 5: 23 pm**  
_So thank you, a lot_  
_The diner was good, in case you were wondering, wanna go there for lunch next week?_

 **Lucifer 5: 25 pm  
** _I'm sure we can arrange something._

* * *

After a lot of serious thinking, Sam had decided that the best way to explain this mess he'd gotten himself into to Dean was to push his laptop into his brother's hands and demand he reads everything before drawing conclusions.

The general conclusion, after Dean had read everything, was what the fuck.

Then came anger, and things were said that neither of them was proud of later, but at some point the anger began to fade, bewildered acceptance taking its place, and Sam just was really, really grateful for his big brother.

 _Then_ , because Dean being  _nice_ about it simply wasn't an option, came the teasing. Mostly in the form of "So you got a date with Satan." and "I bet he's so upset he doesn't get to be inside you."

Which was the only reason Sam felt a tiny bit flustered as he dragged his feet towards the diner. Lucifer was waiting outside already, and Sam stopped a few feet away from him, more nervous than he'd realised, shooting a sheepish smile.

They'd been talking for months, there was nothing to be nervous about. This wasn't any different.

Lucifer smiled back, his face calm like Sam remembered it from his dreams, but serene now in a way it hadn't been before. He held out a hand and Sam didn't have to think twice before taking it. The gesture didn't feel sappy or even romantic. It just was.

They walked into the diner like that and sat down on the same side of the booth, not really bothering to keep some illusion of distance between them, fingers still entwined.

"So I guess this is as good a time as any to let you know I've had a huge, embarrassing crush on you for a while now," Sam offered.

Lucifer laughed. "It looks like we're on the same page for once."

That was a first. Sam liked it.

They ate their food in comfortable silence. Or rather, Sam did. Lucifer poked at the milkshake he'd ordered with the straw like a curious child, and only drunk two big gulps. It was a good first date.

"Know what we should do?" Sam asked, earning himself a raised eyebrow in reply. "We should take a selfie and text it to Dean. He'll love that."

"Your brother knows you're here?" Lucifer's surprise sounded so genuine that Sam was pretty sure it was actually excellent sarcasm. "With me?"

"Yes, and he's been annoying me about it all week. It serves him right."

So the selfie was taken, and sent. It was a very nice selfie, and more importantly, it only took one attempt. It confirmed Sam's suspicions that great selfies were the result of angelic mojo used for all the wrong reasons, but Lucifer sidestepped the question when confronted about it.

Sam would have persisted, but he was too busy feeling content and finding ridiculous excuses to shift even closer to the other to really care about the damn selfies.

"What are you thinking about?" Lucifer murmured, barely audible.

Sam smiled. He'd been doing that a lot lately. "I'm thinking we're headed towards the future you visit to look for memes. The one where the world doesn't end."

"I think so, too."

**Author's Note:**

> Look, if we're going for chronological accuracy this is a disaster. Facebook messenger was launched in 2011, and I have absolutely idea what the layout was like in 2009, so for those of you who aren't infants like me, some things will seem very obviously wrong. I tried to search it up a bit, didn't find much. If you would like to educate me on what facebook was like in that faraway time, by all means.  
> This was inspired by an anonymous ask and a badass AU visual on tumblr, that you can find [ here](http://hush-now-hallucifer.tumblr.com/post/126444820624/anonymous-au-where-lucifer-and-sam-are-friends-on) .


End file.
